The Way to Maturity: Become A Child.

“We may impress people with our strengths. But we connect with people (and God) through our weaknesses.”

-Craig Groeschel

In God’s upside-down kingdom, it's not the one who is the strongest or who has the most money, the most Facebook friends, Instagram followers, the most likes, or even the one who helps others the most, prays the most, gives the most or sacrifices the most, that inherits the kingdom. In God's economy, He says unless you become like a child, you cannot inherit His kingdom. And what is a child, if not weak, dependent and trusting? And yet, we spend most of our lives striving to become strong and independent and, in the process, compromise our trust in God and in others to become self-sufficient.

But God says to be strong, you need to be weak. There's a mystery to it. When you are weak, you are strong. Sounds like a paradox. How can weakness lead to strength? Babies and children aren’t ashamed of their weakness. They know they are weak. So, when they’re afraid or hurting or can’t do something, they run into their mommy's and daddy's arms because it is there they find safety, comfort and strength. They trust their parents know what they need. It's not about striving, God says to me, it's about surrendering.

You don’t realize how hard it is to be weak and dependent, until you actually are. When I was young, I was a strong, independent take-over-the-world kind of a girl. Then at age 27, I woke up with pain in one joint in one finger, and within a week, I lost the ability to walk. I could not even hold a cup in my hands. My whole body became riddled with pain. Since then, everyday things from holding my babies when they were little, doing the dishes, getting hugs, driving a car, sleeping - pain is always there. I’ve spent many nights writhing in it. With every other pain in my life, I have either been able to face it, overcome it or avoid it, but I can’t escape my body, though I have wanted to. For a long time, I fought fiercely to stay strong and not ask others for help. But over the last year, God keeps telling me, you will find strength in weakness. This meant becoming the thing I most feared - being vulnerable and honest with others. It also meant being kind and gentle with myself.

Recently, I started physical therapy and the first thing they told me was that I needed to learn how to breathe correctly since apparently I've been breathing the wrong way most of my life. They said, you need to learn how to breathe like you did when you were a baby. If you've ever seen babies on their back with their feet up, you can see a beautiful round belly going up and down, but the way I’ve been breathing turns out has been contributing to some of the pain I deal with. In striving, instead of surrendering, I’ve actually been making things worse, compounding my pain.

Since I became a Christian as a teenager, the Holy Spirit has been giving me the same 3 words - LET IT GO - My mind and my heart rebelled at this, and even my own body, but as I am literally letting go bit by bit the strain, the pressure, the trauma, sharing my struggles, being honest with God and inviting him into the pain - instead of fighting it, avoiding, using distraction to not deal with it, I am learning to breathe, retrain my body, my spirit to be the way I was meant to be. And I have keep doing this every day to build new muscles. Surrendering, instead of striving. I am reminded that the Son of God became the Son the Man into a context where there were little resources, few opportunities and much prejudice. He chose weakness for our sake. This weakness is perfecting in me humility, patience, gentleness, goodness, self-control, and gratitude. It reminds me that I am wholly dependent on Christ. It shows me that I cannot do things in my own power. And it connects me with the weaknesses in others. Most of all, it connects me with my Father in heaven who I run to as his little child embraced in his open, strong, safe and loving arms - where I can let everything go and find comfort and strength and I can trust he knows what I need.

My body is just beginning to heal with physical therapy, but God is doing spiritual therapy in all the hidden places. And with both, there is pain in the process, but that is how I know I’m getting healed.

- Moon